About Me
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Absolute Chaos
My Favourite Things
#1
Diversity
There is beauty in our difference. When we work together, listen to and celebrate each other we are the inspiration to those around us and the ones that will follow our steps. Life would be boring if everyone was the same.
#2
Collaboration
I work well alone and on my own time. But with collaboration, between both likeminded individuals and those that bring a different perspective, we make something so much bigger than ourselves.
#3
Growth
As an artist, running a business, and in my personal life, I have a lot to teach and lot more to learn. I am a knowledge sponge and always interested in learning more about the world, other cultures, industry, and innovative practice.
Poet Laureate of Peterborough
Fighting Imposter Syndrome
The Long Road
The choice to study a BA as a mature student with a family was a tough one. It should not have worked on paper, not with the life I had, how broke I was, and where I had come from. I left school with no qualifications and went straight into work. My big, beautiful brain came with me so I did alright, working in fast paced environments, and taking any job I could when times got harder.
I was a performer in spite of it all and the stage was my safe place. Until it wasn’t. Gaslit, and controlled, I was conditioned to believe that the stage was my enemy and attention was sinful. I would have a physical reaction that made nerves look like a dream.
My place was at home and home was a prison. Neighbours were given a version of me that I was allowed to show. People were quick to judge me but slow to realise the life I was living. My real friends were long gone and my performance days were over.
When I pulled myself out and found the courage to move on, it was a difficult time and a slow process. It is still a work in progress. Trauma isn’t something you get over, but something you learn how to live with.
the beginning
Towards the end of my degree, I read some of my work at a launch event and by the end of the night, the poets in the room were calling me a poet, a writer. One of them invited me to apply for Poet Laureate of Peterborough. My imposter syndrome went through the roof. I thanked them and laughed it off.
One, I wrote a poem and an application. Just for fun. At 2 am, alone in the dark with a cheeky thought in my head, I hit send. I was invited to perform at the final. On the night, I sat at my table with the slow realisation dawning on me that now I had to perform. For the first time in a decade.
Across the room someone mouthed ‘just breathe’ and I thought, I have forgotten how. They called my name, and I walked up to the mic. Standing there in that old familiar space, the voice that taught me the stage was my enemy was silenced. I remembered what that mic was for, and I used it.
Right up until the moment they announced my name, I was convinced that someone else was going to win. I am in a video somewhere swearing in surprise the moment I realised. That night was the beginning of my second act. Ever since, I have been learning who I am and what I waant to be when I grow up.
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